60 Best Dad Jokes to Make You Laugh (or Groan)

1. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

2. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

3. What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!

4. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

5. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

6. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

7. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

8. Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.

9. How does a snowman get around? By riding an “icicle”!

10. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

11. What did one wall say to the other wall? “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

12. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired.

13. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

14. How does a farmer count his cows? With a cowculator.

15. Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

16. What did one hat say to the other hat? “You stay here, I’ll go on ahead!”

17. Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.

18. What did one plate say to the other plate? “Lunch is on me.”

19. Why was the math book unhappy? It had too many problems.

20. How do you organize a space party? You planet.

21. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

22. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.

23. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.

24. Why don’t some fish play piano? Because you can’t tuna fish!

25. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

26. How does a dog stop a video? By hitting the “paws” button.

27. What do you call a factory that makes good products? A satisfactory.

28. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

29. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

30. How does a snowman get around? By riding an “icicle”!

31. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.

32. Why was the broom late? It swept in.

33. What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.

34. How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints.

35. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.

36. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

37. How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.

38. Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.

39. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

40. How does a rabbi make coffee? He brews it.

41. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

42. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

43. What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hey, bud!”

44. Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.

45. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You’d think it’s “R,” but his first love is the “C.”

46. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.

47. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

48. Why did the golfer bring extra socks? In case he got a hole in one.

49. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

50. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.

51. Why did the math book look so glum? It had too many problems.

52. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

53. Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.

54. How do cows stay up to date with current events? They read the moos-paper.

55. Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurosurgeon? He was outstanding in his field.

56. How does a duck buy lipstick? By putting it on his bill.

57. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

58. Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.

59. What do you call a man with no nose and no body? Nobody nose.

60. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.